Post by Missy Lissy on Oct 23, 2008 18:05:22 GMT -5
Hawkeye darted up suddenly in his bed, his pulse racing, and his breathing heavy as he looked around his room trying to wash the images of his nightmare from his eyes and his mind. As his breathing slowed he looked to the sleeping figure beside him, glad that his sudden movements hadn’t woke her. She had been having a rough time as of late. After coming down with the flu and spending almost two weeks in bed, some friends had lost their home due to a house fire and the Pierces had offered their home to them until they found another place to stay, three weeks of that had left Margaret feeling a little ragged. He wanted her to sleep a little bit, he knew his problems weren’t worth waking her from her much needed and well-deserved slumber…especially when it was as peaceful as this. He tensed slightly when she shifted to her side, afraid that she had woken. When he saw that she was still sleeping, he slid down under the covers beside her and stared into her face. Her beautiful face so peaceful, and serene. At this moment in time he found it hard to believe, watching her sleep, that they had seen the horrors they had seen. He wondered if she was ever plagued by nightmares like he has been. Most likely it had happened before, but not for a while now…in fact he knew that she’d had at least one or two since they had been together…but recently it had only been him with the nightmares not her. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead, she moved closer to him and rested her head on his chest, “Hawkeye?” she mumbled.
“Go back to sleep Margaret,” he said quietly.
“Why? You’re awake,” she said sitting up to face him. He gave her an odd look, and she spoke again, “What is it Hawk?”
“Nothing, now go back to sleep,” he said setting up once again.
“Not until you tell me what’s bothering you,” she said as she moved to straddle his lap.
“Margaret it’s nothing,” he defended.
She stared at him for a minute, “I don’t believe that,” she finally said.
“You should,” he said.
“Tell me what it is Hawkeye,” she said again taking his hands in hers.
He sighed, “ I had a little dream, that’s all,” he told her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“It’s nothing to talk about,” he shook his head.
“Usually when you say that it’s the other way around,” she said, “You’ll feel better if you talk about it.”
“Not now, you should go back to sleep,” he said trying to lay down with her but she stopped him.
“Hawkeye, we both know what you’re trying to do,” she said, “I’m not going back to sleep until you tell me what’s going on.”
Hawkeye didn’t say anything he laid his head against the headboard staring at the ceiling. He squeezed her hands and sighed, “Hawk?” she urged him.
“It’s that baby on the bus, it’s haunting me,” he said, his eyes still on the ceiling. She didn’t speak, she wasn’t sure of how to comfort him. He continued, “It was the one thing that I was sure I’d never have to do, take another life. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want her to die, I had to do something…we were in danger…but it happened. I keep seeing her head fall back, and her mother crying…and I just, I don’t know…”
“Hawkeye, you did NOT kill that baby,” Margaret said firmly.
“But I did, when I told that woman to keep it quiet, I ended a life…it went against everything I had ever believed in. To kill, it made me no better than all those stupid Colonels and Generals who thought that casualties were nothing more than a mere number, in fact it made me one of them,” Hawkeye ranted.
“Hawkeye, you are better than them, you care…and I don’t really know how to say this without it ending up the wrong way…but, you do know you saved a bunch of people on that bus by taking a stand and saying something. We’d all probably be dead right now,” she said releasing on of his hands and placing hers on the side of his face and giving him a slight smile.
“Thanks, but that’s not all of what’s bothering me,” he said.
“What is it?” she asked, concern covering her face.
“What if I never get over this? This feeling of guilt, thinking of myself as a killer, a child-killer no less. What if, when we have our own kids, it get’s worse?” he asked.
She sighed, “I’m no psychic, so I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, but I do know that whatever happens, we’ll be fine. You will be fine,” she said emphasizing her words.
“How can you say that?” he asked.
“I know we’ll get through it, we made it through an entire war, and I don’t think that there’s much that life can throw at us now that we can’t handle,” she explained.
He smiled at her, he sat up a little more, and placed his hands on each side of her face and kissed her. When he pulled away he said, “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
She smiled, “If it’s half as much as I love you, then I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” she said as she leaned in to kiss him again.
“Not even close,” he mumbled against her lips, “Now go back to sleep,” he said as he pulled away.
She laughed and said, “Okay, okay, God, you are so strict.”
He laughed with her, “It’s only because I care about you.”
“Yeah, yeah…” she said softly moving to lay down. Hawkeye did the same and wrapped his arms around her and puller her to him. She rested her head on his chest once again, and before long they were both sound asleep.
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Okay, so I need a little help deciding whether or not to continue this...votes much?
“Go back to sleep Margaret,” he said quietly.
“Why? You’re awake,” she said sitting up to face him. He gave her an odd look, and she spoke again, “What is it Hawk?”
“Nothing, now go back to sleep,” he said setting up once again.
“Not until you tell me what’s bothering you,” she said as she moved to straddle his lap.
“Margaret it’s nothing,” he defended.
She stared at him for a minute, “I don’t believe that,” she finally said.
“You should,” he said.
“Tell me what it is Hawkeye,” she said again taking his hands in hers.
He sighed, “ I had a little dream, that’s all,” he told her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
“It’s nothing to talk about,” he shook his head.
“Usually when you say that it’s the other way around,” she said, “You’ll feel better if you talk about it.”
“Not now, you should go back to sleep,” he said trying to lay down with her but she stopped him.
“Hawkeye, we both know what you’re trying to do,” she said, “I’m not going back to sleep until you tell me what’s going on.”
Hawkeye didn’t say anything he laid his head against the headboard staring at the ceiling. He squeezed her hands and sighed, “Hawk?” she urged him.
“It’s that baby on the bus, it’s haunting me,” he said, his eyes still on the ceiling. She didn’t speak, she wasn’t sure of how to comfort him. He continued, “It was the one thing that I was sure I’d never have to do, take another life. I didn’t mean it, I didn’t want her to die, I had to do something…we were in danger…but it happened. I keep seeing her head fall back, and her mother crying…and I just, I don’t know…”
“Hawkeye, you did NOT kill that baby,” Margaret said firmly.
“But I did, when I told that woman to keep it quiet, I ended a life…it went against everything I had ever believed in. To kill, it made me no better than all those stupid Colonels and Generals who thought that casualties were nothing more than a mere number, in fact it made me one of them,” Hawkeye ranted.
“Hawkeye, you are better than them, you care…and I don’t really know how to say this without it ending up the wrong way…but, you do know you saved a bunch of people on that bus by taking a stand and saying something. We’d all probably be dead right now,” she said releasing on of his hands and placing hers on the side of his face and giving him a slight smile.
“Thanks, but that’s not all of what’s bothering me,” he said.
“What is it?” she asked, concern covering her face.
“What if I never get over this? This feeling of guilt, thinking of myself as a killer, a child-killer no less. What if, when we have our own kids, it get’s worse?” he asked.
She sighed, “I’m no psychic, so I can’t tell you what’s going to happen, but I do know that whatever happens, we’ll be fine. You will be fine,” she said emphasizing her words.
“How can you say that?” he asked.
“I know we’ll get through it, we made it through an entire war, and I don’t think that there’s much that life can throw at us now that we can’t handle,” she explained.
He smiled at her, he sat up a little more, and placed his hands on each side of her face and kissed her. When he pulled away he said, “Do you have any idea how much I love you?”
She smiled, “If it’s half as much as I love you, then I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” she said as she leaned in to kiss him again.
“Not even close,” he mumbled against her lips, “Now go back to sleep,” he said as he pulled away.
She laughed and said, “Okay, okay, God, you are so strict.”
He laughed with her, “It’s only because I care about you.”
“Yeah, yeah…” she said softly moving to lay down. Hawkeye did the same and wrapped his arms around her and puller her to him. She rested her head on his chest once again, and before long they were both sound asleep.
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Okay, so I need a little help deciding whether or not to continue this...votes much?